The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

So I planned on doing this whole blog thing so regularly to keep me and my mental on track, to help hold myself accountable. Clearly that didn’t really work since its been 7 months since my last post and holy hell I didn’t realize it had been that long until I looked at the date of my last blog post so some particulars since then. I think I’ve hit my plateau on my weight loss, unless I just do the whole clean living and stick to a diet change and not just portion size, generally sitting around 215-219 hovering around that 65lb lost plus or minus a couple of lbs. All that being said I don’t eat terribly just have my snacking problems still which I’m trying to work on for sure but that’s life struggles and why I had the surgery to begin with.

Other changes include going to the gym regularly and being consistent as fuck about it except for that one week I was in a car accident and sore as balls. Recently bought a road bike and I’m starting to cycle for some extra cardio to help get off some more body fat and although I’ve plateaued in weight I have been shedding mass which makes me happy. I don’t care so much about the number as I do how I look and feel, although that being said I did go over 220 for the first time in months last week and it hit me hard. I weighed in at 222 pushing me back down to 60 lbs lost and it hit hard. Friends and family who have been my support have reminded me that muscle weighs more than fat and since I have put on a bit of muscle over the last few months I hope that’s what it is but being the negative Nancy that I am I just assume that it was because I had a bad week eating. SO as much as I say I don’t care about the number ideally I’d like to stay under 220 so more cardio with the weight training and I’ll get my ass back under there.

The biggest change is how much I’ve come to be okay my appearance which leads to much more mental acceptance. Keeping my mental in a good place has always been a huge goal of this surgery and change in general and it’s nice to finally be seeing it. While I don’t ever see myself loving me (nor have I ever truly hated myself) having acceptance is completely new to me and its paying off in dividends. I had a moment of weakness the other night trying on a shirt and seeing how much further I’d like to go, but had my mom and a friend to talk to to remind me that I have to also take into account that I have to see how far I’ve already gone as well. While that didn’t make me feel happy and jump for joy it gave me perspective that I accepted and kept the spiral from happening.

One other thing I wanted to talk about was accepting compliments. I’m fucking TERRIBLE at it, always have been, and well I hope I always wont be. I’ve had people congratulating me on losing so much weight and I really don’t know how to take it, I honestly don’t think I did much. I just made one decision and that was to have the surgery and it’s doing all the work, it wasn’t an easy process and its never ending I don’t feel like I had much to do with the majority it. Then I realize I’m being a dick and apologize and thank them because that’s what I should do and they’re being sincere so I should be a gracious person in return and I really am I still just don’t think I did much. I know this doesn’t really relate to the rest of the post but it is a process I am working on and trying to seem more grateful for people’s kind words.

Anyways that’s it for now, no idea if/when I’ll update again but I just had some thoughts I needed to get out and this seemed like the place.

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