Just keep chewing… Just keep chewing… Just keep chewing…

So this past Thursday (6-02) I had my first of three dietitian appointments to go over current eating habits and discuss changes that I need to start making in preparation for after surgery. Right now focusing on cutting back on carbs, increasing vegetable and lean protein intake, less alcohol (actually no alcohol but that’s another story all together), and chewing… lots and lots of chewing. Actually there wasn’t much emphasis on the chewing really, but once I thought about chewing as many times they said I should be while eating I realized eating is fucking work and I kinda hated it. Its not that I shoveled food into my mouth but I guess I just chomped away until it was tiny enough to get down my gullet to get onto the next bite because food has always been about pleasure to me not just about fueling up to keep going. It helps explain why its one of my vices and a huge “coping” mechanism for my depression which of course leads to me being depressed because of my weight and the vicious cycle continues (Fat Bastard had it right “I eat because I’m sad and I’m sad because I eat”) but I’d like to delve into that more in another post. We finished our appointment talking about goals of weight loss prior to surgery and she said ideally 1-2 lbs a week over the next three months which really doesn’t sound like a lot but anyone who has struggled with weight issues will probably attest this sounds much more like a mountain than a molehill.

I am quite aware that my diet is crap; I grew up on southern fried food, cleaning your plate along with no idea of what portion sizes are, a strong aversion to veggies and parents who let me get away with not eating them (although they deserve little to no blame in my opinion). I doubt this is an uncommon situation for bariatric doctors much less dietitians to deal with but I’m trying to take this all in steps so I can make actual life changes and not just use the surgery as a cure all. I truly want to feel better I am tired of being sore and feeling run down every day and I know that my obesity is a huge factor in this. I make no excuses for my weight I’m intelligent enough to know that I make very poor decisions; I eat poorly, I drink too much, I don’t exercise but I really do want to change. I probably use my depression as a crutch to justify bad choices more often than I’d like to admit but I honestly cannot tell because depression is a fickle bitch and he’s fucked with my brain for a long time. So right now I’m trying my best to make changes to my diet by eating in order of most important foods to least, trying to cut back drastically on my drinking, and actually taking an active role in getting exercise. Today I meet with my surgeon for the first time to get a feel for him and make sure he’s the one I want gutting me and set up my EGD, this should be my last appointment until then unless there’s some kind of hiccup. So an update from that soon but until then adios.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s